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 sticky  Author  Topic: FUNNY CELEBRITY GOSSIP CRAP *popbitch*  (Read 35638 times)
SBBS Big Cheese

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« Reply #45 on: Apr 2nd, 2004, 02:30am »

>> George and Kenny love Robbie <<
Williams takes that... and that

George Michael has been telling the world that
he and boyfriend Kenny Goss like to have sex
with other men. At a recent lunch with a
newspaper editor George dished the full dirt on
his sexploits. The editor is telling everyone
that George confessed that both he and Kenny
(separately) had got lucky with Robbie Williams.

Sadie Frost has had such a bad couple of years
- husband Jude Law walking out, drug and orgy
rumours, baby swallowing ecstasy etc -
that it would be cruel not to wish her well
in her attempt to become a TV presenter.

So it's sad that the show, What Sadie Did Next
shows up her appalling lack of talent and
just how unlikeable she seems to be. While
recording the show Sadie called up a friend
and asked her if she'd have a big argument
on-camera with her.

"Why?" asked the friend. Sadie's response?
"Because it'll look great when we make up!"

Big Brother 5 news: the star of the Newcastle
auditions was a man with Tourette's Syndrome.
Please put him in the house!

Stand-up comedian Daniel Kitson (Spencer in
Phoenix Nights) was on tour a few months ago.
After his gig in Dublin Daniel retired to his
hotel room. He quickly realised he could hear
the couple in the next room having sex really
loudly. Dan calls his friends into the room
and they lay on the bed listening to the
shagging for hours, which was occasionally
enlivened by a woman screaming to be "fucked
in the ass, big boy".

The next morning he mentioned his noisy neighbour
to reception. The receptionist smiled and replied,
"Apologies Mr. Kitson, you're not the first guest
to complain about Ms. Aguilera's noise!"

Tony Blair's House of Commons table was vandalised
by an enterprising tourist last week, who
carved out "Tony Blair is a c*n*."

Colin Farrell auditioned for Boyzone but didn't
get in. Presumably he wasn't pig ugly enough.

Kyan Douglas from Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy is really called Eddie. His stage name is
said to come from a stint as a stripper in
New Orleans using the name Kyan Pepper.

Old Jokes' Home:
Q: What do epileptics eat for lunch?
A: Tongue.

Still Bored:
Watch The Exorcist, re-enacted by bunnies:
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SBBS Big Cheese

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« Reply #46 on: Apr 8th, 2004, 10:56am »

So the papers are full of stories of David
Beckham's infidelity: it's just deja vu for
Popbitch readers. Sure, there will be other girls
alleging affairs with David, and the whispers
about Damon Dash's liasons with Posh will come
under increased scrutiny, but let's hope the
pair can save their marriage. These two equally
dreary publicity whores deserve each other.

Back in the heyday of the Spice Girls, Victoria
was always laughed at by her entourage for only
drinking Lambrusco. How things have changed.
Last week in posh London bar Sketch Mrs Beckham
was drinking Bucks Fizz made with 1975 Krug
champagne, one of the rarest and most expensive
wines in the world. A bottle would set you back
more than £800.

But was she drowning her sorrows or toasting
yet another publicity coup?

Now Botox and trout pouts have been adopted by
suburbia celebrities have moved on to something
far more flattering.

Ever wondered how Kylie and Dannii got
knife-sharp cheekbones in their 30s? Juvaderm,
a synthetic collagen-like substance can be
injected into the cheeks to give that
perfect sculpted look.

Another use for Juvaderm is to firm up
ageing chins and jawlines. Now we think of it,
Madonna's chin is suddenly looking very
pointed and perky...

Poor Baby Spice. While bandmate Posh still
manages to make the front page of all the
tabloids, Emma is rapidly fading into obscurity.

Bunton was recently sitting in a London bar
having a drink when approached by a group of fans
holding up a camera.

"Sorry Emma...would you mind?" they asked.
"Not at all", says Emma, getting up graciously to
pose for photos. Instead the "fans" cruelly
handed her the camera and posed for the photo
they wanted Bunton to take just of them.
Oh, the shame.

Jordan was spotted last weekend in a pharmacy in Hove
asking for Thrush cream "for her sister". 14 year old
Sophie wants to be a glamour model too. Bless.

Gays through history:

A man who had sex with himself:

The world's best-named model: Argentina's Katya Fucks.

Otters are "big and sexy":

Bad American otter:

Naked German big brother contestants:

Someone I know bought a clever new car stereo.
When you shout out "Rap", it plays rap music.
When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music.
Some kids ran in front of his car, so he shouted
"fucking kids!" It played Michael Jackson.

Still Bored:
Britney's muckiest photos collected together
by a nice Dutch man for you:
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SBBS Big Cheese

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« Reply #47 on: May 5th, 2004, 10:12am »

Michael Jackson, who fired his expensive legal
team this week, should get in touch with Jonathan
King for his lawyer's number. JK was jailed in
2001 for feeling up some teenage boys back in the
80s but could be out early on a technicality
according to his new lawyer Giovanni di Stephano.

Di Stephano has a colourful past - he got
Nicholas Van Hoogstraten out of jail in the same
way recently, and has worked for Slobodan
Milosevic, Serb paramilitary leader Arkan and
road-rage killer Kenneth Noye. He's even offering
to represent Saddam Hussein next because he used
to be mates with his sons Uday and Qusay

While this may be JK's best chance of a get-out
-of-jail card, associating with a war-criminal's
best friend is unlikely to help him win over
a sceptical media and music industry on release.

This week's most interesting conspiracy theory
doing the rounds - did 19 set up the paparazzi
photos of Michelle McManus in her swim suit, on
the front page of the Sun, in the hope this would
make her decide to quit the industry, rather
than her record company having to deal with
the bad PR of ditching the fat bird?

Which top British singer was once seen
getting a blow-job from his mum? She
said it was to try to stop him turning gay.

The former PA of which British actress (from
stage, screen and TV commercials) is trying to
sell the story that the actress often takes so
much coke that her eyes roll back in her head
and she has fits? (And when her pop star
boyfriend ended their relationship, he took his
mum with him for support.)

Victoria Beckham has admitted she had an affair
with Michael Jackson to get back at her
philandering husband.
However Jacko's lawyer denied the claim, saying
Mr Jackson could not have had an affair with
Posh as he was in Brooklyn at the time.

A man walks into a pub with a panther.
He sits the animal down, goes to the bar
and orders a pint.

"That'll be £2.80, mate," says the barman,
"but you can't leave that lying there."

"It's not a lion," replies the man,
"It's a panther."
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