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 veryhotthread  Author  Topic: Haiku Zone  (Read 10530 times)
oxfez
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xx Haiku Zone
« Thread started on: Mar 24th, 2003, 06:07am »

Welcome to the Haiku Zone. Many of you will remember the old Haiku Zone from the old forum... what do you mean you've never heard of it before? Idiots...

Well anyway, this is a place to air your grievances and issues through the form of haiku poetry.

What is a haiku Oxfez, O' Leader of Men?
A haiku - pronounced "high-ku" is a short, Japanese poem that was originally intended to celebrate the beauty of the world and of the human condition.

The format for a haiku is simple:

First line is 5 syllables
Second line is 7 syllables
Third line is 5 syllables again


And that is it: A haiku.

A syllable, for those who didn't go to school, is a chunk of a word - breast, for example is one syllable, because it's one sound; bosom is two syllables, because you can split it into two chunks 'bo-som' - Breast and bosom are very poetic words ("Haiku" is two syllables by the way).

An example of a haiku:

Eddie Van Halen
He is a great guitarist
This is a haiku


So people... feel free to showcase your creative skills, I look forward to reading them, as I look forward to writing them.
People actually win prizes for haikus... not me, mine are only really likely to win me a stint behind bars.

Here's my first offering to the Japanese God of poetry, I'm sure he'll be most pleased.

I removed my socks
Then took off my underwear
Then got in the bath

Stainiak was seen
With a Middle Eastern man
They blew up my tank

"What's Golf War Syndrome?"
My disabled son asked me
"It helped create you!"


Your turn...
« Last Edit: Jul 17th, 2003, 05:09am by oxfez » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #1 on: Mar 24th, 2003, 07:43am »

Oxfez - so sick yet
funny all the same even
though he makes kids cry

Wish we had the old ones
not that mine were any cop
I'm shit at these things
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #2 on: Apr 20th, 2003, 12:30pm »

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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #3 on: Apr 21st, 2003, 8:56pm »

Punk's Renasance Man
Slightly absurd Haikus though.
Henry Rollins Rocks
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #4 on: Apr 22nd, 2003, 04:04am »

I respect Rollins
For what he's done for the world
Jism on a dwarf

Once Oxfez copped off
With a six-foot, black TV
It was plasma screen

Sentimental tripe!
That's what I think of Easter
I rose from the dead

The Iraq Crisis
Now that really got old fast
What the hell's Iraq?

Iraq war's over
It was good while it lasted
I enjoyed the kids

I stabbed my girlfriend
I really didn't mean to
Aiming for her mum
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #5 on: Apr 28th, 2003, 07:05am »

Matty has reached it
The big 'five zero zero'
Too bad he's a mute

Many new members
Most of them come for the porn
Including Oxfez

Meeting Stainiak
In about fifteen minutes
He's going to die

Torrie Wilson's breasts
Keep distracting me at work
I wanked in the loos

Bin Laden once said:
"I'm the god of Hell-fire...
...I bring you... fire"

No seriously...
I wish I had a girlfriend...........
Well... Any takers?
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xx 3 about Stainiak
« Reply #6 on: Apr 29th, 2003, 03:22am »

Free speech for the dumb
That's all Stainiak wanted
Not to be drafted

Stainiak got SARS
A Chinese man licked his mouth
Chinese man had SARS

Stainiak got SARS
World Health Organisation
Put him in a zoo
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #7 on: May 1st, 2003, 08:22am »

Sorry 'bout the porn
now they have to join to see
ha ha ha ha ha
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #8 on: May 1st, 2003, 08:50am »

Thank my lucky stars
I'm already a member
Stroking my member

God made a goof-up
When creating Stainiak
Used too much latex

I don't hate the French
In fact, I love their cuisine
And fu*cking their kids

I apologise
That haiku was both racist
And very funny

"What's the point of life?"
I asked Aristole's mum
We romped in the fields

I pulled the trigger
Aiming at the Iraqi
Sprayed him with wee-wee

War, death and earthquakes
Is all they show on the news
I remember Fred

I sat listening
To Simon and Garfunkel
Angelic voiced poofs
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #9 on: Jul 9th, 2003, 06:32am »

Return of the 'Fez
Have I got a treat for you?
It's some more Haikus

I am now at work
Although not really 'at work'
My life is a waste

A free Palestine
That's all I ever wanted
Something for nothing

God hated my lips...
This haiku's going nowhere
... ... ... ... ...

Drain my pancreas
I think it's full of custard
Or tapioca

Aw fu*k it... these suck
I see why I stopped with them
Suicide for me
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #10 on: Jul 9th, 2003, 07:58am »

Mine are so much worse
I make you seem talented
ha ha ha ha ha

Matty needs to buy
new boots to cheer himself up
(you know you want to)

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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #11 on: Jul 14th, 2003, 04:24am »

I've just rewritten the introduction to the Haiku Zone, which meant deleting a few posts, sorry to Matty, Sweet and Sam, a few of yours had to go for the intro to make sense.

I deleted them
All of Stainiak's records
He's now an X-file

The Good Lord breathed life
Into my wife's underwear
Now I have herpes

Spittle on his chin
And a gun in his pocket
My dad drinks too much

New Cell-phone ring tones
Piss me off till I yearn death
Mine's vibrating... Mmmmmmmmm

I say that tonight
We get some porn and some beers
Give me a "HELL YEAH!"

Doing poos at work
Best possible use of time
Turd on my shirt sleeve
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #12 on: Jul 14th, 2003, 07:22am »

None of mine are any loss so I do not object in the slightest smiley

Go and wash your clothes
you dirty little man
use some VANISH now
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #13 on: Jul 15th, 2003, 03:25am »

Sweetcorn in faeces
The eighth wonder of the world
Mt turds are home-made

Stainiak's movie
Called 'Gorillas in the mist'
Won him a grammy

Alarms going off
I was trapped inside the vault
Porno mag in hand

Young girl; violins
Picture kept will remind me
Don't call me "Daughter"

Lord Eddie Vedder
Every night I pray to thee
To give my shoes back

Being at work blows
Almost as much as it sucks
Creates a vaccuum
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xx Re: Haiku Zone
« Reply #14 on: Jul 15th, 2003, 09:12am »

Life is beautiful
Look upon it and wonder
Did I touch that lad?

I think these explain
Why I can't get a girlfriend
That and I rape fruit

"Who's up for cricket?"
Called my father from downstairs
He's now in a home

Stainiak punched me
So I hid his insulin
Doctors took his legs

Condoms are my life
Without them I am nothing
I can't put them on

My inner demons
Have taken over my mind
I watched Big Brother
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