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 veryhotthread  Author  Topic: Good Week/Bad Week?  (Read 38576 times)
oxfez
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #240 on: Apr 9th, 2004, 2:50pm »

Wait just one moment. I'll never be a brother; I listened to Dr Dre, worn a basketball tee-shirt and related "bling" accessories and bought an uzi... I just can't talk the jive.
Lets me down every time.

This week I've done fuck all.

I've got Devil May Cry II, Dynasty Warriors 4 and Red Faction... Too much time, too little body mass!
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #241 on: Apr 21st, 2004, 10:00am »

I'm alive, the man with the second face......or something like that. I've been away to the land of Oz for the past 5 weeks and its been errr......bonza!! I have been very very lucky that my good name hasn't been defiled by my brother as i've just realised that i've left my log on active on the PC! Jinkys!! Bungee-jumping from great heights, surfing (badly), successfully drinking some 17yr old ossie girls under the table (go UK!!) and close encounter with fricking great spiders. Its all been a bit madhouse. Austins left?!! Good damn riddance to that over sized bald turd.
I've just realised. This country has the most miserable weather on the face of the planet. And the news sucks. Who cares about David-Godamn-Beckhams cock wandering ways?
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #242 on: Apr 25th, 2004, 3:44pm »

Welcome back to the civilised hemisphere buttmonkey.

I went to Australia years ago and met the great Toadfish... I did other stuff, but that was the best.

You're right about one thing dude, news does suck. As for the weather, well I wouldn't know, I've not left the house in weeks.

That's not actually true. I went to the Isle of Wight last weekend (Small Island off the southern coast of England - for you Americans). It was fun... Well, windy and rainy, but fun. Well windy and rainy and full of OAPs and the inbred, but fun. Well, windy and rainy and full of OAPs and the inbred, and not much fun.

Funniest moment - Calling a fat girl "as big as two lorries parked next to each other"
Saddest moment - The fat girl hearing
Album of the Week - Possibly Weathered by Creed, or Pixies albums
Best Quote - "It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #243 on: Apr 27th, 2004, 10:06am »

Toadfish? Man, you should of punched that oversized lump of ham in the nuts. I don't dislike him, it just would of been funny.
I've become increasingly aware of a growing phenomenon that is growing almost everyday since my return to the UK. It was always present, but seemingly in the background, now it has exploded onto the streets with violent force and a sea of burberry and gold. Thats right. I'm talking, of course, about townies.
Every street corner, at every shopping precinct and in every park, there are swarms of the little b*stards. Dressed up to the (heavily masscared) eye balls in Hackett tops, Addidas bottoms and unfesably white trainers, they cause nothing but trouble and listen to nothing but sh*te hip hop and R'n'B (why its called this, I don't know, it has nothing to do with rythym or indeed blues). I think they are starting to take over. Its very much like scene directed by hitchcock outside the comfort of my residence and on the local childrens playing area. They sit, motionless staring at me with dead eyes and adorned with cheap market gold jewelry. i don't even understand their language. "Ah-man-dat-is-rude-bruv" and "innit". What does it mean?
I feel we have not long left. i have taken to stockpiling food and provisions in my basement. and closing the curtains and listening to Muse to try and ignore the fact that the end is coming. I have seen them. thrashing about the roads in their noisy, plastic spoiler covered and garishly coloured cars. They're taking over. Mindless, baseball hat wearing plepians are growing in number and confidence. It won't be long. Arm yourselves. The end is nigh. You'll be consumed by this burberry covered menace and will be forced to see the rest of your life out, watching trisha, enjoying films like the fast and the furious and Glitter, listening to bland garage and worst of all......having no interst in doing anything of real meaning or worth with your life other than pretending real hard to be a gangsta, living in the place you were born and spending every weekend at the bottom of a pint of stella or a bacardi brezzer.
You have been warned
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #244 on: Apr 27th, 2004, 11:16am »

see it's not only me thats noticed this man-pigeon race. check out oxfez and macavity's pub talk for more info
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #245 on: Apr 28th, 2004, 06:45am »

See? Look at them, they're swarming.
I'm off to buy a double lock for my front door
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« Last Edit: Apr 28th, 2004, 06:49am by buttmonkey » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #246 on: Apr 28th, 2004, 07:39am »

Look, kids in baseball caps I can just about stomach but watching shit like GLITTER? Now you are having a fucking laugh. Gimme a sniper rifle, I'm off to the bell tower......

My week has been strange. Jay's dad took Luca out... came back with a bloody great cage and a budgie. Luca called him 'Talkie' - in the sort of hopelessly optimistic fashion you have to be 3 years old to get away with. He's green, he lives on the kitchen table, and he only seems to talk to me. I like him but he also freaks me out. I have a bit of a dislike for flapping birds smiley

Had been enjoying the nice weather, but nope, the sky has turned to that grey kind of hue that only England can produce. Stupid fucking place.

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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #247 on: Apr 28th, 2004, 11:25am »

smileyLMFAO smiley

funny as hell Sam
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #248 on: May 5th, 2004, 04:52am »

Sweet Winnie Mandela.
Even the Townies have their own musical on Channel 4.
It was on last night, I swear it. Or it could just of been a pear schnapps-induced dream.
This week I have mostly been indulging in the practise of trying to avoid a man in my local who's been trying to sell me dog. Why? All because he asked me if I liked dogs and I repied 'Yes'. Ever since he's been bringing the damn thing to the pub every day and looking at me and winking then looking at his dog. Actually is he trying to sell it to me or attempting to get me to interfer with it?

been listening to 'Ill communication' by the Beasties and the zutons 'who killed the zutons'.
I'm going to kill the bloody zutons if they keep on playing on my lawn. Dammed kids
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #249 on: May 5th, 2004, 07:43am »

Maybe he has always wanted to make a best selling beastiality porno starring his beloved pooch and thinks he's finally met the man to take the lead?

Or maybe he wants to see if you can impregnate the pooch and sell the strange humanoid-puppies over Ebay to fund his eye operation to rid him of that annoying wink?

The way I'd deal with that is to go over to him in passing and make some comment about 'that is one fuck-ugly dog' or similar, thus letting him know without doubt you have no intention of giving a home to his mangy mutt. But then I am just direct (read rude) so that kind of thing doesn't bother me.
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #250 on: May 5th, 2004, 09:19am »

Its almost as if you can see into the mind of the man...
A great plan, one which I would of no doubt have attempted, if I had not popped down there this lunchtime to inform the landlord that the dog dude 'propositioned' me in the gents. He's now been barred.
Harsh, I know ,but extreme times call for extreme measures.
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #251 on: May 5th, 2004, 09:40am »

Harsh..... harsh but fair smiley I like ye style - just pray he doesn't track you down in some public loo and do a George Michael, just to teach you a lesson.
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #252 on: May 5th, 2004, 09:43am »

I've already considered that possibility and made a solemn vow to never use public lavatories ever. again.
Actually, I don't normally use the toilets anyway, I normally just go against the fag machine, or if i'm feeling particularly saucy, the landlords wife.
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #253 on: May 5th, 2004, 09:47am »

I sometimes wish I could try being a man just for the freedome of being able to take a piss anywhere anytime, standing up. Men's bits might look strange when not 'happy' - my son recently told my hubby his bits look like a chicken - but the utter brilliance of design of being able to stand and pee.... well, I'd love to give it a try, but I value my shoes too much.

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buttmonkey
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xx Re: Good Week/Bad Week?
« Reply #254 on: May 5th, 2004, 09:55am »

Surely some odd ball somewhere has invented a device which allows 'the lady' to 'do the business' whilst 'standing up'. I dunno, like plastic pants, a pressure pump and a rubber hose? Just an Idea. Maybe I should patent it and make a fortune.
Maybe not.

It really is one of the greatest things on Gods green earth to be able to pee standing up, its not only a life saver if ya busting and theres not a toilet within 300 yards (lamp post, phoneboxes, bushes, the choices are limitless as to where to take a johnny cash) but its also a great tool for showing your distaste for someone or as a comedy prop at parties.
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